I'm a Snob

Apparently I'm a snob!  We are still fairly new to the area and with a little one I haven't really made as many friends in the last year as I thought I would have by this point.  There have been a few people that I really like and enjoy getting together with and there was one woman in particular that I thought I was becoming close friends with.  I have recently backed away a bit from this woman for a few reasons.  She complains a lot to me about her husband (they are fairly newly married 2 or 3 years I think) and a lot of her complaints seem justified but I really just try to listen to her and reassure her that marriage is hard sometimes and we all go through rough patches.  Her husband has not had a job the entire time I've known her so I just chalked it up to too much togetherness and probably frustration over their current situation.  The reality though is that I think he is crazy controlling and some of what she has told me is pretty much a precursor to abuse. 

That being said I am not a big fan of husband bashing with friends because I don't think it is ever good for the friendship or for your marriage so I typically do not engage in it.  I have a good friend from college that has known my husband since we dated in college and I confide in her from time to time if the need arises and a good friend from Tampa whose husband is very similar to mine and she to me and our life situations have mirrored one anothers with all our moves, etc. and we can talk to one another.  The thing about both of these women is that when we talk we have known one another and each other's husbands for years and know that we are all very committed to our husbands & marriages and are just frustrated and basically bitching from time to time. 

What was going on with this other woman wasn't that and it was frankly making me a little uncomfortable.  So when she invited my husband and I to attend a bible study for couples at her house I was a little leery but initially said we would do it.  I thought it was a good way to meet other couples and I haven't done a study ever with my husband and I hadn't done one at all since moving to Atlanta.  The study had already started when she invited us so we had missed the first one and then both of the kids were sick and we missed the next one.  By this point I was thinking we were going to be a bit out of the loop and the more my husband and I talked about it the more we realized it just wasn't going to work for our family this time around.  My older daughter has tennis on Fridays from 5-7 and we are never out of there right at 7.  We would then have to feed the kids and get to her house which is nearly 30 minutes away so we would be late every week.  Our girls are in bed by 8pm on Friday nights - earlier than that on weeknights and this bible study was not going to get over until at least 9 - 9:30 so it would be 10 before we got home with them.  It just wasn't going to work so I apologized and told her we would love to do one with them in the future.  I could tell she was upset with me and really acted quite rude to me for the next few weeks at playgroup but I figured she'd get over it and I went out of my way to ask her to do other things with me so she would know that it wasn't personal.  That is when she said something that changed everything.  She called me up and told me that she had been thinking about it and that I really needed to just come to the study by myself because I don't do anything for myself  and all my husband ever does is go away on business trips and have a good time while he sticks me at home with the kids and doesn't let me do anything.  And on and on she went.  I wish there was someone taping me at that moment because I would have loved to see the look on my face.  I was just floored.  First of all that couldn't be further from the truth and second of all I don't know where she got the impression that it was acceptable to comment on my husband or my marriage.  Not one to ever have friendship drama, I just told her I would think about it and quickly came up with a reason to end the call.  From that point on I just didn't feel the same way about her.  She would come over for this or that and I always thought she was being rude to my husband.  We'd go shopping and she'd make me feel guilty for buying something for my girls because her husband wasn't working so she didn't have money to buy for her girls.  Yet in the same breath she'd tell me how her husband was putting in a coy pond or they'd have a party and I'd go their house and they would have all new expensive landscaping.  Now, I don't generally count other people's money but it would just irk me because she was also telling me that they had no health insurance and the little girl hadn't been able to get her vaccinations or check ups because they didn't have the money, etc.  Finally I just decided that I didn't think I really wanted to be friends with her beyond our playgroup.  I really don't think we are all that similar and I don't like being friends with people when there is a lot of drama.  I have enough extended family drama - I like to keep my friends as my refuge for fun!  I didn't just cut her out or anything.  I just started calling her less and doing less with her.  Some of it wasn't even intentional because I have been kind of busy lately between spring break and sick kids, etc. 

So, fast forward to today and playgroup was at her house.  I didn't go last week because Reagan was sick and the week before that was spring break so I didn't go because we spent the week doing things around Atlanta with Madison.  I think the week before that they weren't at playgroup so it's been about a month since I've actually seen her.  She had called me over this past weekend and I missed her call so I finally got around to calling her back on Monday and we talked until I finally had to go because we were at Reagan's class.  The entire conversation was about her husband and how he wants her to go back to work and she doesn't want to put her daughter in daycare and how he's been acting lately, etc.  I felt bad about cutting her off because she obviously needed someone to talk to but I had to go in to the class so I told her I'd call her back.  I did call her back right after the class but she didn't answer so I left a message and really didn't think any more about it.  So today at playgroup it was actually nice. The husband wasn't lurking around because he finally got a job so he was at work and I thought we all had a nice time together so as we all getting the kids ready to leave she says to me "so are you coming next week" and I said I was.  So then she says "good because I thought you were thinking you are too good for us because you never come."  She was being all jokey like but I could tell she was serious so I laughed and said that I'd been there all but the last two weeks and the other girls were chiming in saying yeah she was at the park but you weren't there that week and she was here but you missed that week, etc.  I laughed and said I could have come last week but I didn't think you'd appreciate my kid giving croup to all of your kids!!  They all laughed and then this woman said, "well, you're just a snob is what you are.  I call and text and you don't answer and then you don't call me back.  You're just a snob.  I don't think you love me anymore".  All the while she is laughing like she's joking but the rest of the women kind of got quiet and I was starting to get a little embarrassed.  I really didn't know what to say so I just laughed and said something to the effect of "Oh that's crazy.  I talked to you just on Monday and then I called you back and you didn't call me so maybe you're the snob - hahaha"  Really what I was thinking is WTF???  Sorry about the complete rant.  I am just completely shocked I think and my husband is off living it up on one of his famous business trips so I can't talk to him about it :)  She is right about one thing.  I don't love her anymore!!